What Jesus said (and did) about Family – Part 1

Family is a very sensitive subject. So, I will try to be delicate in addressing what I believe is God’s idea of family. I believe this is going to set somebody free.

Almost 2 years ago, I tearfully told the Lord how hurt I was and how hopeless I felt in a particular relationship with a family member. So right there, while sitting on my air mattress in the living room that had become my home, He led me to Matthew 10:34-39 and began to gently reveal to me his thoughts on family. Let’s read that.

“Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’ He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.”

These were pretty powerful words. What the Lord was saying to me was that Christians will rock the boat and cause tension even in their own families. But if I continue to choose to honor their opinions of me or of the Lord above God’s opinion of me and of himself, I was not worthy of being with him. In fact, I need to have the same attitude that God apparently has: Don’t just put up with me. Don’t be ashamed of me. If you are, you can leave. I don’t need or want anybody on board who won’t stand with and for me. He was also sharing that if I will lose my life, lose my relationships, be willing to walk alone, I won’t be walking alone for very long. He will save me. He will make divine connections with other people who will proudly stand for and with me.

After imparting that, he began to remind me of the different interactions Jesus had with his family. The one I think most people are familiar with is recorded in Mark and Luke. Jesus was teaching to a crowd of people and someone told him that his mother and brothers were outside and wanted to see him. He responded, “My mother and brothers are these who hear the Word of God and do it.” (Luke 8:20-21) But, then he led me to the book of John where I read about the two other interactions that Jesus had with his family. Let’s look at those and uncover Jesus’ uncommon view of family.

1. John 7:1-5 “After these things Jesus walked in Galilee; for He did not want to walk in Judea, because the Jews sought to kill Him. Now the Jews’ Feast of Tabernacles was at hand. His brothers therefore said to Him, “Depart from here and go into Judea, that Your disciples also may see the works that You are doing. For no one does anything in secret while he himself seeks to be known openly. If You do these things, show Yourself to the world.” For even His brothers did not believe in Him.”

2. John 19:27 “Then He said to the disciple (John), “Behold your mother!” And from that hour that disciple took her to his own home.”

From here, God revealed some life-changing truths, even though at the time I wasn’t able to embrace them.

First, we see Jesus’ brothers who did not believe in Jesus. Notice that the bible did not say they didn’t like him. No, they just didn’t believe in him. This is NOT a small thing. When I’m around people who don’t believe that I have anything valuable to offer, I wilt like a flower. Conversely, when I’m around people who encourage me, see something special in me, and are emotionally secure enough to point it out, I blossom like a rose. That’s not just a weakness that’s unique to me. Beloved, when you are around people who don’t believe in you, it causes you to doubt your worth in your own mind. That leads to you doubting God’s influence in your life. Now he has to take extra time to reassure and console you. It would have been much better and easier for you had you never exposed your heart to that bad seed. We have to guard our hearts with ALL diligence because it produces whatever is put in it (Prov. 4:23) Jesus understood that his brothers were not personally attacking him. But, because of the exposure of his heart, they threatened his confidence and ultimately the call of God on his life…which would have been a very bad thing.

Because the first four books of the New Testament are just four different accounts of the same events, for the purpose of this note, I’m treating them as one book capturing one space of time. The second time you see Jesus dealing with his family is the incident I mentioned earlier. He basically rejects them and their request to see him. Notice that he did not say, “My mother and brothers are those who repent from their sins and are saved.” No, he qualified it. He said those who “hear the Word and do it” (Luke 8:21). That’s a different story. Everyone in my immediate family and nearly everyone in my extended family is a Christian. But Jesus did not define family as just all the Christians. I’ll discuss this more very shortly.

The third and final interaction that Jesus has with his family is when he was hanging on the cross. He put John in charge of the care his mother. This tells me that Jesus did not neglect his family’s material needs. He saw to it that they were taken care of. Clearly, he did not have a hard heart toward them, nor was he harboring any feelings of resentment. It seems he was just doing what he had to do by separating himself. Expect for Jesus’ first miracle of turning water into wine in John 2:1-11, these are the only three times that Jesus was in contact with his family after he started his ministry.

Here are a few things the Lord showed me after he put these puzzle pieces together for me:

a. He cut his family off emotionally and separated himself geographically. He didn’t mess around with their lack of belief. He created some distance between them and himself.

b. He didn’t allow them to endanger the will of God for his life. It wasn’t personal.

c. He was able to leave them and reject them because he trusted the seed he’d sown into their hearts. After growing up with him, Jesus knew his family had enough information for the Holy Spirit to convict their hearts and bring them to repentance. He knew he wasn’t the Convincer. He basically said, “This is a job for the Holy Ghost! I sow the seed and he will give the increase.” (1 Cor. 3:6-7)

d. Based on what’s written, Jesus didn’t send a disciple or even a water boy to make sure his family received the message of salvation. After John 7, he made no effort to personally witness to them at all. Nothing. Again, he trusted the stirring, convincing, and effective abilities of the Holy Spirit. He knew he could not force anyone into repentance. (Yet, it can be implied in Acts 1:14 that his entire household did end up believing in him because they were praying with the disciples. Jesus' brothers went from not believing in him (John 7:5) to praying and fasting with the disciples WITHOUT Jesus "witnessing" to them. He stayed in the flow of the Holy Spirit and trusted him to do the work. Again we sow as led, and God gives the increase. (1 Cor. 3:6-7))

e. Jesus defined family as the people who “hear and do”. I don’t think he was condemning disobedient Christians here, and neither am I. I believe he was saying that real family consists of people who are led by the Spirit of God. Those people who go with the flow of the Holy Ghost. (These are also the kind of people who will agree with God about you.) Today, that’s a condemning statement. But in Jesus’ day it was almost like common knowledge because the message he preached was VERY different from what is preached today. Jesus’ message was literally irresistible to nearly everyone who heard it (expect religious people). His message makes hearing and following the leading of the Holy Spirit accessible to everyone. His message makes it easy for a 2-week old Christian to be a master at recognizing and following the leading of the Lord. More on that later.

f. Jesus idea of family was very fluid. He wasn’t bound to the idea of natural blood the way we are. To God, Jesus’ blood is what connects us. And his blood is more real to God than the blood of our ancestors.

g. God needed to get YOU into the earth. He used your parents to produce your body, but you are not your body. You’re also not your mind. Christian or not, you are a spirit. Spiritual truths are more real to God than natural ones.

I’m not making this up. These are Jesus’ own words and experiences. Some of my initial thoughts were, “Well, who will take care of me when I need help? My friends can’t do that. Who raised me? Who knows me better than anybody? My family right? I know some Christians who would sooner cut me that bless me!” The truth is, and I have to be blunt, the body of Christ does not rest on the foundation that God designed. Did you know that if a builder where to build a home with a cracked foundation, the local government will condemn the building? It’s a hazardous area, unfit for life. It doesn’t matter how beautiful it is, its unsound structure threatens human life. And no matter how many beautiful churches are built, how much people smile, how “blessed” people become, no matter how wise we get in our own eyes, if the foundation is missing or cracked, the building is condemned. It’s a hazardous area, not fit for life.

OK, here’s a good place to pause. The rest is continued in “What Jesus said (and did) about Family– Part 2”